and there are few that understand that kind of loss better than yuuta does. )
we're only as strong as the people supporting us
( perhaps a strange thing for him to say, considering his own standing among jujutsu sorcerers, but it's genuinely how yuuta sees it — he'd relied on rika for all of that time, and now he feels that whatever power he's come to harness since letting her go was only his because of what he'd learned from gojou-sensei, from toge, from maki. )
[ Relying on others isn't a weakness. She knows this, and it's something she's told others. Mostly when lecturing them for trying to act so damn tough, a pillar of salt standing tall and proud and for what? She can't be that way now, however tempting it feels. ]
For so long I was fighting for Mai. Not just myself, but for the two of us. I don't know where to go from here.
[ No more Mai. No more Zen'in clan. What's driving her now? ]
( he'd heard rumors of what had happened to her, to the entirety of the zen'in clan, after their paths had crossed last — he had tried not to draw too many conclusions until he'd spoken to her about it.
sympathy constricts like a vice around his heart, crawling up to take residence in his throat, tight and burning. )
maki...
( he knows first-hand how useless most things people can say to you in this kind of situation are. but... )
i can only tell you how i've dealt with it in the last year... it might not be useful to you right now but... after i unraveled rika's curse, i really was ready to go with her sometimes i think it might've been easier that way, haha... but that's not what she wanted for me, and even though it's been hard since i let her go... i don't regret it because i have you, and toge, and our senpai and the first-years as well it's never going to be the same, but if i can use this life to help any of them, it's worth it and in the times where it doesn't feel that way, i tell myself that she'd at least be proud that i'm still fighting
sorry, that's probably too much, haha... but i'm here for you even when you probably don't want me to be
[ He wanted to go... goddammit. She should be mad at him for thinking like that. She is mad, but not in the way she expects. Even for all the people she's killed, remorselessly so, she's sick of friends and mentors dying. The only thing that stops her from lashing out is knowing she thought the same way, for a flicker of a moment, after walking away from the Zen'in compound with Mai in her arms.
Nothing like losing a sister to bring people close together, huh? How pitiful of her. ]
Of course I want you to be here, idiot. But not only for me. There are people who care about you. Who want to see you again. Remember that. Nowadays, you don't know when the next time is the last.
[ It isn't only about losing sorcerers. Not for her. ]
(wanted was probably a strong way to put it, but — he wouldn't have fought against the promise he'd made for the chance to remain behind. and it was a horrible and hideous weakness in his character, something that he feels shame admitting now. he didn't want to diminish what toge meant to him, what maki meant to him... especially now that they formed the beating heart of why he keeps living, keeps fighting, keeps doing everything he can to try to bend or break this world into something that might be safer for them.
maki is always kind in the ways that one doesn't expect. there's a delay; he reads the message, smiling to himself, the expression both warm and vaguely melancholic in the way that's characteristic for him. )
i know
you remember what i told you when were inside that giant curse? about why i came to jujutsu high? i don't want you to worry, maki-san i don't feel that way anymore. i have you and everyone else to thank for that and in return, i'll be there for you my offer still stands to help wreck ( well, no, not her family, she already killed all of them?? )whatever else might get in the way
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misaojutsu @ tfln
What can I say? I have a good memory for people who piss me off.
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You can try harder than that.
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[ yuuta, her brother in jujutsu, you showed him. ]
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[a world he couldn't laugh sincerely in, he was always prepared for the worst.]
But it was fun. Okkotsu-kun's potential is truly marvelous.
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You make it sound like a game. I can't stand that attitude.
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Isn't it? Have some fun or don't, it'll end the same either way.
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You don't have any friends, do you?
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Maybe if you had a better attitude you'd have more.
[ "don't be a mass murderer" she says as if she didn't also commit mass murder. ]
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You think so? Oh well. Not much can be done about it now.
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You also never worked a hard day in your life.
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You seem very keen to coming to your own conclusions about me after all.
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Guess there's nothing to be done about it.
swellter @ tfln
My clan. I destroyed all of them. That was the deal we made. Her last request.
recursive @ tfln
People who've worked just as hard are dead though.
And in the end, I wouldn't have gotten to where I am without Mai.
[ All this power is liberating, but there will always be a gap. Someone who should be next to her and isn't. ]
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and there are few that understand that kind of loss better than yuuta does. )
we're only as strong as the people supporting us
( perhaps a strange thing for him to say, considering his own standing among jujutsu sorcerers, but it's genuinely how yuuta sees it — he'd relied on rika for all of that time, and now he feels that whatever power he's come to harness since letting her go was only his because of what he'd learned from gojou-sensei, from toge, from maki. )
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For so long I was fighting for Mai.
Not just myself, but for the two of us.
I don't know where to go from here.
[ No more Mai. No more Zen'in clan. What's driving her now? ]
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sympathy constricts like a vice around his heart, crawling up to take residence in his throat, tight and burning. )
maki...
( he knows first-hand how useless most things people can say to you in this kind of situation are. but... )
i can only tell you how i've dealt with it in the last year... it might not be useful to you right now
but... after i unraveled rika's curse, i really was ready to go with her
sometimes i think it might've been easier that way, haha...
but that's not what she wanted for me, and even though it's been hard since i let her go... i don't regret it
because i have you, and toge, and our senpai and the first-years as well
it's never going to be the same, but if i can use this life to help any of them, it's worth it
and in the times where it doesn't feel that way, i tell myself that she'd at least be proud that i'm still fighting
sorry, that's probably too much, haha...
but i'm here for you
even when you probably don't want me to be
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Nothing like losing a sister to bring people close together, huh? How pitiful of her. ]
Of course I want you to be here, idiot.
But not only for me.
There are people who care about you. Who want to see you again.
Remember that.
Nowadays, you don't know when the next time is the last.
[ It isn't only about losing sorcerers. Not for her. ]
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maki is always kind in the ways that one doesn't expect. there's a delay; he reads the message, smiling to himself, the expression both warm and vaguely melancholic in the way that's characteristic for him. )
i know
you remember what i told you when were inside that giant curse? about why i came to jujutsu high?
i don't want you to worry, maki-san
i don't feel that way anymore. i have you and everyone else to thank for that
and in return, i'll be there for you
my offer still stands to help wreck ( well, no, not her family, she already killed all of them?? ) whatever else might get in the way
mahoraga @ tfln
It wouldn't be a fair fight.
My body is different now. I could hurt a regular person pretty badly.